I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
