you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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