just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
