bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
