if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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