my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
