but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
