But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
