Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
