apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
