I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
