genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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