shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
