is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
