I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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