TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
