I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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