sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
