3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i black out too much to be "responsible"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
