I wish i was in the wii world.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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