I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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