super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
