before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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