sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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