Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to calm my uterus...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
