Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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