haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
