Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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