When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
