You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
