My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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