I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
