get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
