i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
