so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
