i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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