Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
