Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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