i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
