I got chris browned last night
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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