i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
