I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You pole danced in your parka.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
