Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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