Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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