Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
