Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Semen is not good for contacts.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
