if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Someone came in the potted fern
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
