i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
