Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
