Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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