forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
