You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
