So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
